Didn’t you hear? As it turns out, the Big 12 wouldn’t divvy up their TV money paid out to members into smaller shares by adding more schools. Nope, everyone would get the same payday. So you know what that means… realignment, y’all! Just Y2k and the Mayan Apocalypse, it’s pretty much set it stone now. So set in stone that not only will the Big 12 expand, they’ll add Cincinnati and some other random school. It doesn’t really matter who it is (as long as it’s not Connecticut) but the point being, UC’s in the Big 12 now folks!
Now that we’ve got a major payday heading our way let’s spend the money like we’re one of the Entourage guys. As if the eight-figure check’s already in the mail and nothing can stop it.
Here’s just a few suggestions for UC as they mull over how to spend these truckloads of cash.
A Second Nippert Stadium For Those Yucky FCS Games
Nobody likes games against FCS teams but UC insists on scheduling them. They’re like taxes. Everyone tells us they’re a necessary evil and usually can’t be avoided.
Currently Cincinnati has a FCS opponent on the docket through the 2016 season. It’s best to reserve Awesome Nippert for the standard and marquee games and set aside a second, “Lesser” Nippert for these teams. It only makes logical sense. Now, no one’s saying Other Nippert should be lower quality than the original, simply a miniature version of it. We’re talking 10,000 seats and reserve them for those fans willing to sell their first born child for them.
A Brick Mural Of Mike Thomas On The Walkway For Fans To Stomp On Leading To Other Nippert
A Golden Dig ‘Em Statue
A Luxury 747 For Recruiting
Several schools have a private jet for coaches when they hit the recruiting trail or huge planes to shuttle entire football teams between games. But how about flying in hundreds of recruits at a time on a luxury 747, complete with an arcade, massage tables, lounge, and make-your-own sundae bar on the second deck? That’d sure help Cincinnati land some five-star recruits.
Floating Practice Fields And Courts
Everyone knows we’re tight on space here at UC. The architects who designed the renovations to Original Nippert were measuring down to the inches to fit the new press box next to TUC. In some places you can almost reach out and touch both buildings at the same time. It’s wild just how they were able to squeeze that monstrosity in.
So it stands to reason that as the football program expands into the Big 12 and becomes flush with money, they’ll need to add more practice fields to focus on specific areas of the team. You know, one for receives, another for long snappers. It makes sense considering top tier programs have two or three, at least. UC has one and a half. But since there’s barely any room on campus Cincinnati needs to go airborne, with stacked or floating fields. The same goes for the basketball program. They could build down below the existing courts and add two more to accommodate a growing roster of walk-ons and coaches.
A Professional Level Hockey Arena And Soccer Stadium
There’s nothing those red blooded ‘Mericuns in Texas and Oklahoma love more than ice hockey and European soccer. UC’s long needed a venue to expand their programs and take them to a level worthy of the Big 12. I can’t wait to see the Bearcats host those hosers at Texas Tech on a fresh sheet of ice.
A Dome Over Original Nippert
The city of Cincinnati missed out on a huge opportunity by not building an interior football stadium when PBS was green lit in the late 90’s. Now Indianapolis is pulling in business and events, like March Madness Final Fours and the NFL Combine, that could have come to the Queen City. Doming Original Nippert would finally bring those to Cincinnati. Can you imagine the Bearcats playing in a National Championship game in front of 40,000 screaming fans? Wouldn’t that be amazing. Plus the dream of a Cincinnati Olympics can finally be realized and I don’t think anyone would snub their nose at that.