Chris Mack’s Barber Has Committed To Mick Cronin And The Cincinnati Bearcats

Feb 6, 2014; Cincinnati, OH, USA; Cincinnati Bearcats head coach Mick Cronin in the first half against the Connecticut Huskies at FifthThird Arena. Cincinnati defeated UConn 63-58. Mandatory Credit: Frank Victores-USA TODAY Sports

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We’ve known for years that Mick Cronin is a stylish human being. He’s donned the all-black, Johnny Cash look many times over the years and I’m sure has a closet so deep with suits that it would bring Barney Stinson to his knees. But for most men, style starts with the hair and while Mick Cronin isn’t too well-endowed in this area, he still wants to get the most that he can out of what little he has left.

As such, Cincy on the Prowl was excited to learn that the UC head coach has made a major coup in the hair cuttery game over the weekend. Cronin has convinced Phil DeConzo to become his primary barber going forward.

“I’m extremely happy with the decision Phil has made,” Cronin commented today, “I have been in contact with him for years now and know he’s the premier barber in Cincinnati. With his addition to our team, there’s no limit to how high we and my hair can fly. I think Phil can really take my look to a new level.”

If you’re unfamiliar with DeConzo, he is a major player in the Cincinnati area barbering world. The barber is famous for grooming the Bronson Arroyo mane, designing the T.J. Houshmandzadeh braid, and giving Pete Rose his signature haircut. It goes without saying that the hair is what really put those former Cincinnati players on the map.

But here’s the kicker.

Dec 14, 2013; Cincinnati, OH, USA; Xavier Musketeers head coach Chris Mack during the first half against the Cincinnati Bearcats at the US Bank Arena Mandatory Credit: Frank Victores-USA TODAY Sports

Phil DeConzo has actually been committed to Xavier’s Chris Mack since 2004. The Musketeer head coach did a nice job getting in early on the barber way back when he was an assistant as XU in the mid-2000’s. But when Cronin returned to Cincinnati in 2006, he immediately had an eye for DeConzo.

“Yea when I took this job I quickly saw a need for a good barber. The hair makes the man, you know? And as I began asking around, Phil’s name came up time and time again. The only problem was that Coach Mack had gotten to him first and you know how good of a recruiter Chris is. He had Phil locked down from day one.”

But as the years passed and Cronin continued to recruit DeConzo, his work steadily began to pay off. The barber began visiting UC for basketball games this past season and saw the Bearcats’ facilities for his own eyes, including a renovated barber shop complete with plush, velvet chairs. DeConzo also marveled at the endless supply of that blue liquid barbers put combs in to serve the purpose of.. whatever the blue liquid barbers put combs in does.

Then, on Saturday, Cronin received a surprise phone call while sitting through yet another disappointing Super Cuts haircut.

“It was Phil. He told me he had a surprise for me and that I should come to his shop right away. So I leapt out of my chair and rushed downtown. Phil was waiting for me with a Cincinnati Bearcats hat on his head. I knew he had made a decision.”

It was a decision Cronin had waited years for, that Phil was flipping his commitment from Chris Mack to the UC head coach. He would only cut hair for Mick Cronin and his players from that day on.

“He’s an extremely talented barber whose skills translate well to our program’s philosophy. I don’t want to put pressure on him but I really, really believe Phil will take our style to an elite level, so long as Adidas doesn’t give us zubaz uniforms again.”

The above post is 100% joking in nature as a part of Cincy on the Prowl’s April Fools Day series. All news, quotes, and some people are completely fictitious. April fools, everyone!